I think it’s time I made another post about abuse tactics and poor behavior in the community. I’ve had some more experience since the first one I made awhile ago, as unfortunate as that is, but I feel it does need to be brought up now and again to help others know what to keep an eye on. I’ll be giving potential examples of the behaviors listed, just so people have an idea of what it might look like in action rather than just a list of traits that could be more likely to be accidentally misinterpreted.
Note that this is different from simply having performed incredible feats in another life or reality and accepting them as fond memories and feelings. These behaviors are essentially pure fantasy applied to this world, or played off as happening on the astral. Think along the same lines as p-shifting claims, and even if they are symptoms, mental illness is not an excuse to be mean to others or attempt to control their lives, ever.
Some of the more common issues I’ve seen in the past are as follows, but are not limited to these examples:
- Going out of their way to show off some “power” or “otherworldly status” of theirs.
This is your standard Elven Princess Syndrome, where someone attempts to carry over status or power from another life or existence. Yes, elven royalty exist, yes, they may be on Earth with you and me right now! But this is talking about the elven royalty (or other absurdly powerful/beautiful/irresistible/etc. being) that won’t shut up about their status and all the amazing things it does for them. This is the person who makes sure you know JUST how strong they are, JUST how many spirits of high rank (archangels, archdemons, popular gods…) they know or control or how many of these beings go to THEM for help rather than the other way around.
- Acting as though they’re some cosmic warlord or savior or otherwise in the middle of some great, important event.
Can go along with the previous point, but could be presented as the reason why they’re being constantly sought out to fight the Forces of Darkness or what have you. Either way, they seem to constantly be plagued by “evil” spirits or curses for no good reason (or because they’re so “high profile” in said cosmic war that of course they’re a target) or “overburdened” by beings seeking help. Either way, it’s not uncommon for someone using this tactic to “recruit their friends”, so to speak, in order to help them win said war. If someone attempts to turn away or doubts the credibility of such a thing, however, it’s entirely possible the person in question may turn on them, claiming they were “possessed” or “tricked” or were “an agent of the Dark Side all along”. People can run into mishaps or gain renown on the astral, but when it seems everyone and their grandmother runs to this person for help (and they can always solve every single problem, no matter how dire), you may want to be wary.
- Dictating personal details of someone else’s life, such as telling someone their kintypes or memories, or “stealing” them, along with “stealing” headmates, soulbonds, spirit companions, or claiming that these beings aren’t who they say they are in an attempt to gain control.
Nobody has the ability to ultimately know more about you than you. Claiming to know another’s kintypes or memories, or insisting that someone’s in a shift they are not in or aren’t aware of, is possibly the biggest “thou shalt not” in regards to community etiquette. When someone starts claiming entities that live with you, or share your body with you, have come to visit them, or have a romantic interest in them, when you have had zero indication from the source yourself (who is connected to YOU, not THEM) or no prior discussion is also a huge breach of conduct. Worst of all, some people have claimed that the soulbonds/headmates/etc. of someone they take issue with abandoned their host and came running to them instead in an attempt to start drama. You can’t force someone to accept headmates/soulbonds/etc. that they don’t want to live with, or that they have no indication of actually being there in the first place, either.
- Claiming that everyone whose kintypes, soulbonds, headmates, astral experiences, etc. don’t match the details of theirs are fake, or worse, directly harassing them over these differences.
No two people’s experiences are the same, and most people understand that acknowledging some sort of multiverse with infinite or near-infinite possibilities and realities and variations is just normal in the community. However, people can and will go out of their way to subtly (or not-so-subtly) use the shared details of someone’s life or experiences against them, claiming “it can’t be that way because it’s not how it happened to me/not how My Divine Power told me things are”, or using it as leverage to explain why their story is better or “more right”. It’s natural to want to ask questions about the hows and whys of peoples’ experiences, but to shoot them down or attack someone for believing a certain way is unacceptable.
- Puts themselves above “mundanes”, “muggles”, “humans”, etc. frequently, loudly, and publicly.
Even if you see yourself as fully not human, completely not of this world, you still live in it and are still affected by it and affect those who live in it. Being “not human” doesn’t make you better than those who see themselves as such, and it certainly doesn’t put you in a position of power over them, either. Someone who has different beliefs about themselves and the universe may look misguided and unaware to you, but everyone’s life path is their own. Complaining about aspects of society you don’t like in certain situations is fine, but if you’re constantly saying how much better you are than “those humans”, how much more intelligent you are than “silly mundanes”, how much more awakened you are than “average sheeple”, you need to reel it in.
- False accusations of someone sending “evil spirits”, being “possessed”, being “tricked”, or some horrendous magical event occurring after/because of group or personal drama, or threatening to call down these forces on the other party.
Even though many people in the community may be involved in the occult to some degree, not everyone is capable or willing to curse the hell out of the other party or otherwise magically attack them, and as anyone involved in such practices knows: not everything is the result of magic or an evil spirit. Very rarely will group drama immediately (or ever) devolve into a full-blown “witch war”, and even if it does, such things are often overhyped. Tensions run high when group drama is afoot, and it’s easy to believe someone on the “opposing team” may have cursed you. However, if someone’s first instinct is to complain and point fingers rather than quietly banish or ask for assistance, that may very well be a reason to look at them a bit sideways, ESPECIALLY if it happens every time someone leaves the group or disagrees with them, as stated previously.
None of these behaviors (among others) are really new, either, and some more ideas/examples can be found on this archived page from otherkin.net. People can and will still use more than the tired “I know how to grow wings and p-shift and shoot fireballs and physically conjure demons!” statements to try and gain power over someone, or because they truly wish it was the case. Sadly, it isn’t and working to clear up confusion over these things can help ensure a better environment for everyone.
Stay safe, everyone, and always remember to be kind and use discretion.