I’ve discussed this a whole lot with @bluedragonade (who I’m tagging because I hope he’ll have some input!), and it seems to me like the kin community (especially here on Tumblr) has started to protect itself right out of a whole lot of interesting and beneficial content.
Many older and more experienced community members with their hearts in the right place are eager to make lists of “behaviors to look out for”, but the majority of these posts are totally lacking in context or any further information outside of “these things are bad”.
This lack of context heavily implies that the things listed are bad without exception, and that anyone exhibiting these behaviors should be held in suspicion.
Teaching people about manipulative, abusive, and exploitative behavior is good, but making people afraid to reach out is slowly creating an atmosphere of paranoia and isolation.
Of course there are dangerous people in the kin community (just like anywhere else), and safety is a top priority, but there is middle ground, and it starts with teaching people context.
- Don’t just say “beware those who claim famous or powerful kintypes”; educate people on how those claims can be used for manipulation and abuse.
- Don’t make blanket statements like “looking for canonmates is dangerous”; state what sort of risks are present, and how to avoid them.
- Don’t discourage people from discussing shared memories, shared timelines, and shared phenomena; give advice on how to recognize gaslighting and manipulative behavior when it occurs.
Teach the community to avoid people who are actively dangerous, not people who exhibit objectively harmless behaviors that could potentially be used dangerously. Teach people how to avoid exploitation without making them afraid to share their experiences; teach them how to spot abusers while still seeking friendship and advice and opinions.
Encourage kin to reach out, encourage them to share their experiences. Just teach them how to do it safely.
