A lot of sadness, a lot of longing, a lot of emptiness. A lot of anger.
Pearl from Steven Universe: *insert incoherent screaming of kin panic here*. When I was immediately slapped over the head with Kinfeels towards Pearl when watching Steven Universe last year, I tried desperately to tell myself that she was a soulbond, and to distance her from myself. Of course she’s pop into my head, we’re so alike, I told myself. Repeatedly. But…. no. Soulbond crossover memories and emotions didn’t begin to cover the reaction I was having. I was *incapacitated* every time there was a Pearl-centric episode, and though I tried to deny it that only ever happened to me twice before, with Ken and Vriska. I mean it when I say some of those episodes left me feeling hollowed out and semi-nonfunctional for days.
Fiction is not suppose to do that to you. I had dreams, and visions too. I can SEE the gem Homeworld in my mind’s eye. One of the first things I ever told my mom when I was 3 was that I wanted to do ballet. Ever since I was a child I’ve felt like I was just supposed to be able to use a rapier and to play the violin; abilities I considered so close to my heart that if I wrote a character who could do them I automatically considered them a marysue/garystu. I’ve always felt like there was someone I was supposed to serve and dedicate myself to- something I once attributed to believing I was a mazoku. But this… just made much, much more sense. I don’t want to get into it too much, but basically my pretense that Pearl was a soulbond eventually came crashing down. I haven’t wanted to talk about it a lot, but this is the one a few people close to me know about. I even created a Pearl specific tumblr to avoid talking about it on mine. So yeah, this one’s (confirmed)