ive felt kin with an abusive character for a while and i feel terrible because im not abusive but i have manipulative/abusive intrusive thoughts [i dont ever act on them] and do you think i feel kin with this character because im coping with my intrusive thoughts? or am i just a bad person.

You’re asking the wrong questions, anon.

First of all, you’re not a bad person for having feelings that make you identify with a character who is abusive.

You are not a bad person for having abusive/manipulative intrusive thoughts.

You are not a bad person for liking a character that is abusive.

Abusive characters are often interesting and relatable in fiction. They let us explore those types of feelings and urges without harming anyone in our real lives. Also  no matter what character you’re thinking of, I guarantee you there is more to them than ‘abusive’, otherwise they wouldn’t be as interesting/relatable. You can’t boil someone down to just one trait or dismiss them as an interesting character just because they have negative traits.

You also can’t just dismiss a person as ‘bad’ for having negative traits.

It is okay to relate to characters who are abusive. It is okay to enjoy characters that have negative traits. It doesn’t make you bad.

And lastly, here are some resources that might help you figure out if this character is a kintype, or just a character you can relate to/enjoy.

http://fictionkin.net/fictionkin/how-to-find-your-kintype/

http://fictionkin.net/fictionkin/what-kin-experience-what-makes-people-kin/