Hi, factkin anon here! Thank you so much for letting me get this out and talk about my experiences. First is… god, realizing. The realization. It’s terrible, it’s so awful, at least it was for me. I wanted to cry. I want to cry right now lmao. It was a lot of different things that were nothing on their own, but once you thought of them together… you know how it goes, same as any kin awakening really. I saw some videos of Their house and Their pets and it was so familiar it hurt. My partner, who I haven’t told (and they’re my mirror system and we’ve been through so many lives together, so this means more than anyone can imagine), was looking at Their wiki page and spouting off facts and I was like “Oh yeah, I know. I know. Yeah I know that too, maybe I heard it somewhere” when I did not, in fact, hear it anywhere. I’ve gotten a few shifts as well, which is godawful, as you can imagine. And then my partner got Their haircut and, since my hair is too short to do this, I dyed my partner’s hair the way Their hair is colored.
Now here’s something that may be a little unexpected, a strange side effect to being factkin- jealousy. Lots and lots of jealousy. I regretted coloring and cutting my partner’s hair the way I did because it almost hurt every time I looked at them. “I’m supposed to look like that”, but I don’t. Sometimes we quote some of Their lines and when my partner does one of Their quotes I get jealous. “That’s my line” when no, no it is not. When we’d watch something with Them in it, I’d get jealous because “hey there i am” mmmno there i am not. Looking in the mirror and expecting Their reflection makes me uncomfortable and so uneasy, because I did not previously believe factkin could exist at all, until I discovered i was factkin myself, which I’m still having difficulty admitting. Expecting Their voice when I speak, missing Their friends, who I’ve never met.
A lot of people hate factkin. Say we’re stealing someone’s identity. I don’t claim to be this version of Them, I’m not open about being Them whatsoever, and I sure as hell never asked for this. I would give almost anything to NOT be factkin. It hurts to be accused of a crime by possibly hundreds of people who have never even met you. But I’m not mad, and I don’t blame anyone for being uncomfortable with factkin because I am too.
This is more of a vent than what you were looking for I think, and I’m sorry, but thank you again for letting me talk about this.