Nostalgia versus Desire
So I’ve been thinking lately, and it may just be because I’ve been feeling massively nostalgic the past few weeks (a lot more than usual). I’ve been thinking about the difference between Nostalgia for a place, time, people or existence you’ve left behind, versus actual desire to go back, at the expense of this life, here.
I’ve seen some people say they’d go back if they had the chance , no matter what. I’ve seen people saying the opposite, that we shouldn’t get hung up on the past. And some people can take it too far, but at the same time… i miss where i came from too. so i can see both sides of the issue here.
But that brought up a thought. I have serious nostalgia for places like..Seyruun, or the Medium. Or Alternate Earth, where Gems and quasi-magical phenomena happened. I miss feeling the way I did back then. How I looked, felt, was seen. Abilities I had. Friends. companions. Close companions that I don’t have anymore. That I do legitimately miss so much that it makes me cry sometimes. This is all nostalgia, for better or worse. Things I remember fondly from other lives that cause me to think about them now.
They can make me happy. Thinking of my adventures through the great world of magic and excitement with my apprentice. Of having all the confidence in the world as I gave orders and conducted myself like the Queen of the Universe as Meenah, and going on dates with Vriska. Of seeing Earth with eyes filled with wonder and hope as Rose. And more.
They can make me sad, like the example of missing friends and abilities. The point is less that, as much as how all this nostalgia makes me feel. It makes me miss it, look back at the past and put it on a pedestal. Yes. There were bad points to those lifetimes. Regrets and pains. and i feel them quite strongly. But the nostalgia puts those behind a fog of pleasant memories and thoughts. And a longing.
But the actual desire to go back is something completely different. I don’t often feel I want to go back. In fact, my general feeling on going back if some magical portal opened up and gave me the chance is ‘eh, i dunno.we got indoor plumbing’ or ‘i’m not fighting chaos monsters from beyond the void of terror here. also i’m not a corpse, so that’s nice’.
This world can be nice. This world can suck, but i don’t really have a desire to leave it, no matter how nostalgic I get. Because for one thing, Logically I know no matter how nostalgic a life makes me feel, It had it’s flaws too. If i had those problems again, I’d be thinking the same damn thing. It’s easy to look back at something with the goggles of nostalgia, and desire it. It’s another thing to actually want it.
There are things I love about this life, that i’m sure in another I’d look back at and say ‘yeah, those were good times. I’d love to be that way again’. Maybe not everything (gods know I fucking miss how I used to look and my self image is a composite of my different lives.) but some things.
I guess i’m rambling. Just wanted to talk about the difference between desire and nostalgia. To get my own thoughts out on it. Try to alleviate some of these feelings I’ve been having lately. But hey, it’s just my personal feelings on the subject. I’m sure many of my peers here think differently.
